How to Reconcile Different Parenting Styles with Your Partner
Most parents fall into one of several categories: authoritative, permissive, or even sometimes uninvolved. While these categories offer a bit of a gray area, most parenting styles adopt at least one of these mindsets. But that doesn’t mean every parent is the same.
You might have a completely different approach to parenting than your partner. So, what do you do when your parenting style is naturally warm but with a lot of rules, while your partner is equally as loving but tends to want to give your child more freedom? What should you do when you have different ideas about expectations or discipline?
The last thing you want is for your child to be confused or to learn to “like” one parent’s style over another.
Thankfully, you can reconcile different parenting styles with your partner and remember you’re on the same team. Let’s cover a few tips that will make it easier to focus on parenting together.
Stay in Constant Communication
Communication should already be a top priority in your relationship. If you’re not actively communicating with your partner, you leave room for misinterpretations, negative assumptions, and more.
Don’t be afraid to open up about family issues. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to resolve them. When you and your partner have different parenting styles, but you don’t talk about them, it can make you both feel like you’re on opposing teams. You’re more likely to argue and create tension within the family. That’s not good for you, as a couple, or your children.
Talk about your needs and wants and how you can deal with everything from your kids’ daily routines to long-term issues that will need to be addressed as your child gets older. Sweeping things under the rug will only make matters worse.
Come to a Compromise
Even if you have different approaches to parenting, you probably have more common ground than you think. You should approach your children as a united front. In doing so, they’ll feel more secure and better understand what’s expected of them.
If you’re struggling with different ideas on how to handle a certain situation, talk privately about your thoughts and feelings. Be willing to compromise, even if that means giving up a bit of what you want, and expect your partner to do the same.
You both want what’s best for your children. If you keep that in mind as you try to find some common ground, it will be easier to come to a conclusion you both can live with.
Work to Understand Each Other
Maybe you get frustrated with your partner’s parenting style because you don’t understand where they’re coming from. They might have grown up in an environment with a similar style. Or, maybe they experienced neglect as a child, and they’re trying to make up for it by either being very permissive or very strict.
Working to understand each other and why you both parent the way you do can help you with empathy. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with each other’s styles, you can walk a mile in your partner’s shoes to understand why they take certain approaches.
When you both have that mindset, it will be easier to talk about your parenting styles without getting so frustrated and without feeling like they’re undermining the way you want to parent your children.
If you’re still struggling, don’t feel like you have to handle these conversations on your own. Consider reaching out and working together with a therapist or counselor about parenting counseling. You’ll learn more about each other, your relationship, and why your different parenting styles are so important. You’ll also learn strategies you can put in place to work together as a unit to raise your children, no matter your personal style preferences.